And i can't stop dreaming a disturbing dream. About saying goodbye to somebody who loves me too much. What will i say? There is no meeting on the other side, and all i can hope for is the delusion of forever as I check out in the chemicals that can rescue me from pain. For somebody stuck in the moment like me, sudden death is not an option: modern physics can wipe me out in less than a second, and this is not long enough for the chemicals to fill my brain. Endorphins need how long to work? How long to give me my vision of endless horizons, with Sandra waving at me every sunset and every carousel ride, How are you Seanie, when will I see you again, as she floats away into someplace i will never visit? There is a question of terrible semnantics here: Does she say goodbye to me, or do I leave her crushed with my memory? What a fucking nightmare.
So I look for signals of survival, rhythms or swirls that take me out of my thoughts and into a trip of joy or anticipation, and one comes to me today, in the midst of nonstop doomy tears and swollen pains: a band so smart it spills wit and spreads wishes, and thak you so so so much for your lift. I walk out of the door, laughing, I hope. Vampire Weekend gets me going on a Friday, appropriately, with a sound I've never heard before, thank goodness.