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Saturday
Apr302011

one for one, murder + murder

I feel profound affection for wild canines. I am ready to execute a man who traps foxes. Why do I feel this way, exactly? People hear this and are horrified because I am breaking a taboo about respecting the sanctity of life. But is one man's life worth a hundred foxes' lives? What if each life is the same value? What if I can imagine what it feels like to be a fox? How does one imagine this? At some point, I had to go out and meet foxes, and I did, and now I can say quite honestly that one man's life is worth approximately one fox's life, and the willful killing of one wild fox for whatever reason results in my impulse to execute the trapper. It would give me pleasure to do so. I'm not breaking any taboos at all, but living up to my own expectations based on my own explorations of the world around me. I like wild canines, and feel deep affection for them, and do not recognise any god-like entity that will punish me in the future because I took a man's sacred life and destroyed it. On the contrary, the winds and tides tell me daily to pull my triggers.

-- from All My Young Kisses starring Maya Nelson Wolfsdottir, written by Mr. Blue

Wednesday
Mar302011

Self Stalking on Red Lands

The mightiest forest or the deepest ocean depends on memes sprinkled like stardust from faraway places. You can continue always to be yourself and sink your roots more deeply into your destiny, but ideas and affections and adventures will always fall like pollen onto your curiosity, and that's how we all become pregnant with ambition. The fact that you shoot, that you are always looking, is evidence enough that you are already infected with possibility, and you will never stop looking for more. It's tempting to deny our desire to evolve by getting comfy and clutching contentment, but we're the product of millions of years of nomadic scavenging; it's in our genes to wander and wonder, and that reality we cling to is often a cruel lie. Yes, that family is lovely, yes, that hand feels good to hold, yes, it is good to laugh with friends, but it is always important to know exactly where the exits are, because we can hug and kiss all we like but sooner or later will have to escape. And that's when those delicate connections to the outside world become grapevines to swing out of the crowded jungle into the open skies of your own imagination. I am always intrigued by your trap and how consistently you seem to wriggle free; I joke about following in your footsteps, but I really do study how to walk like you, so I am grateful to this connection with your sense of being outside yourself. You're like a map I can read when I wish to go lose myself and ignore my mountains of promises and responsibilities. Your reality needs to be shared, because it is one in which the woman walks constantly toward her own escape. The question will always be: Does Rachel get away from her own stalker, that demon bent on destruction, Self?

-- from an ongoing fascination with the photographer Rachel McKinnie, who shoots Utah the way all of us should shoot our fantasies. 

Friday
Mar182011

woman with mask

Photography, in its mysterious way, is the most liberating mask an intelligent person can wear. Everything can be hidden by wearing it; and yet everything gets shown, laid bare, and the viewer may find themselves wishing for their very own mask, for their very own audience, for their very own photographer. That should be what every photographer wishes for. And almost everybody is a photographer, because it is so much easier to do than music or painting and a lifetime easier than writing or good poetry.     -- from correspondence with M.P.

 

Friday
Mar182011

Celestial Heartbreak

This is a short experiment in nonlinear story-telling. We're interested in emotional weights and indirect expositions, meaning what we show is not always what we feel or think. In this case, the act of leaving a comfy fire and lovely friends to look for the Aurora Borealis in a blizzard might not be exactly what we should be doing, so telling you why we're doing it comes in this artistic disguise. Not only that, this video ends just when it gets interesting! There are heartbreakers everywhere, people who turn you on and leave you cold. This visual exercise is an example of this. But the bonus is that we do intend to examine heartbreak and report on how it can be used to slow down time. More soon, from Iceland, where Sean and Sandy and Mark Hooker have gone in anticipation of a firestorm at the poles, courtesy of a solar flare or two. January 2 is looking good for this.

Explaining Heartbreak As a Celestial Metaphor from wonderbox on Vimeo.

Friday
Mar112011

Lust, now

Live, love, lust and learn now, in this moment, because nature is beauty shaped from danger: the bird does not sing, it survives ambush on a momentary basis. The quake and its waves must wake me up, push me out of routine and comfort, those two cancers of being. Live now, not next week or next year!



Thursday
Mar102011

Roar, Louisiana

Roar wakes me up, rain screaming down. Texas Stormchasers tweets possible tornado 4 miles NE of Slidell, and damn if I am not 4 miles east of Slidell. Much worse last Fall when I got caught in Indiana "land hurricane" but now flood reports have scared away some Mardi Gras pals, and we are on the lake, which shakes ominously. Tad bless his heart says these rumors happen every year, but he is asleep next door and I am awake and now here again is that roar! He will wake up and say: Wasn't that a treat?

And seconds after I write this, Tad emerges in an all-yellow head-to-toe raingear suit and clamly walks to the end of the property to fetch the newspaper. He does not say, "What a treat." He says: "It is really raining! Holy shit!" and that little panic starts to swell. Then he says: "Nothing we can do but hunker down and wait it out." And we do. And the sun comes out and we go fishing and catch nothing but a soft breeze and a little sunburn.

Wednesday
Feb022011

Imagine thinking: from "The Wax"

"I think; therefore I imagine."

Imagine if Descartes had the knowledge to speak this instead of reducing life to a single tense of “I am.” To think is to think, and not just be. One word without limits might have replaced a word that confines the self; if Descartes wrote differently, how would we understand the individual?

It seems to me the most important thing for you, my happily married lawyer friend, is to embrace (admit to) and release (kick the ass of) your "inner individual." But you cannot, because little kiddies get hungry and frightened. How much do your own responsibilities affect your view of a society's responsibilities? It's possible that if you were completely free to do as you pleased, to waste endless time in pointless examination of self and surroundings, you might see the constructs of society as an emancipation of your desires and ambitions, rather than a restriction of all desires and ambitions, right? You could then abuse the system for your own good, and every thief uses a smile as his best weapon; you would make sure to pay lip service to the traffic lights, even if you do not pay taxes, as I do, and you would buy a camera on a credit card you do not intend to pay if that camera was used at least partly for the "social" good. It seems to me that academic depth retards the link between one's responsibility to self with one's responsibility to society. And by "retards", I don't mean limit or prohibit as much as I mean "influence". So the handicapped thinker still wanders society and conducts business freely, often with other handicapped thinkers who congratulate the wanderer for his taste and business, as long as these are similar to their own.

-- from a long-term dialogue with the brilliant Mark W., laid out in a PDF/iPad ditty titled "The Wax," to which his replies and contemplations will be published as "The Wane." Here's a link to my full piece as it appears on Facebook (!) accompanied with a photo of mine:

Thinking without simply being.




Saturday
Jan222011

Gareth Branwyn, slightly catalogued

Could not get the kiss on his forehead onto my bloody iPhone until I stopped trying to shoot and said to myself, forget the picture, what's the problem, and the problem was the only Gareth in the right light was the one in the mirror and not the one in his own skin, so i made this picture of that mirror, and sure enough the kiss is cl...ear, a tattoo of affection for his birthday, planted in such a way that he becomes his own walking participle: people stare as he passes because he trails this lipstick on his crown, what king could he be? Of whose decorations?

A cake with Gareth is a feast of wit and width; how quick your thoughts, how broad your books? You eat multiple meanings, swallow possibilities and sip your ignorances like musty wines from faraway places: what you do not know might be a delicacy elsewhere, but the new taste on your brain is like the first licorice on your tongue. Puckered, you savor the new sensations: better than Hong Kong or Mumbai, you are in a bibliography with friends who wish to read you and catalogue your surprises and your surmising. The mind is freshened; I must think freshly!



Friday
Jan212011

Donna Ferrato, imagined

The lovers become mothers and fathers. A few people want my flirts, but most hope for some wisdom. When did I become wise, when I always saw myself as wild? When did the wolf turn fox? Every friend was once a stranger, and many friends I wish now had stayed that way; they were more mysterious, more dangerous, more of a thrill. And now some of them depend on my flights of fancy to remind themselves of their own escapes and scrapes; my crashes excite their scars. And I see you this way, as the flier who risks herself in unknown skies. You are still the lover to me, and I see you in flames or on ice and feel comfort that you will either help me find my way or be there on the path when I find it myself. I look for you here and try to sense your fights and flights; are you ruffled by wind or rattled by calm? You are bound here by us, the people you love, because we all need to be reminded that we cannot be killed by the pains of our imaginations, and only dreamers can deliver this message: do as you want, desire, act boldly even if your actions are done wrongly, and the dreamer leads these lessons with a million tiny deaths of her own. You are not only your self, Donna, but part of all our imaginations; yes, it's insane to throw away an evening on facebook, but who objects to your loss but you? We're happy to have you here, an example we could all imitate, and we'll wait patiently while you go out and make some thrill. But don't dry our addictions to you because we help you waste your time! The superfabulous Teddy Roosevelt said if you kicked the ass of every person who you thought was responsible for wasting your time on facebook, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week.

-- from a correspondence with Donna Ferrato

Monday
Dec202010

eclipsed

The very unusual eclipse last night led the crew at the Wonderbox to put together this short video for their Christmas Eve orphans and porridge late late late night hang. There are several things to watch that night, but the Moon is always such an attractive subject. For Seanie Blue and the players of the Moonlight Project, the Moon is a metaphor for lost loves. The Sun, that burnt-out star, represents love's urges and passions; the bigger the star, the more quickly it burns out. These astrophysical laws apply to love, too. The music comes from the Moonlight Project, and the visuals from Seanie Blue's shoot of the eclipse and the Raindancer. This piece was produced by the Wonderbox. Music produced by Blue, Fox & McCormick as the Moonlight Project.

The Lunar Eclipse & the Moonlight Project & a Porridge Party from wonderbox on Vimeo.

Saturday
Dec042010

Vagina terrifies, still

Donna Ferrato, fearless image maker, opens up a discussion after a Guardian newspaper editorial about the "most terrifying word," "vagina." Donna demands an explanation. And Blue complies on her Facebook page:

"But why is it feared, that word? It means "scabbard," or a tool or place in which to carry or hide a sword. So male power is wrapped up in it. Until 50k years ago, you didn't want other males planting seed there, and to maintain exclusive a...ccess to all vaginas is an extremely violent proposition: Goodall observed that all alpha male chimps end up violently tortured and killed, torn limb from limb, and this is a direct cost of controlling the vagina. What better way than to help control access than to demonize it, cut it off or kill it if it betrays? 11K years ago, when the first chiefs and first pangs of religious organization began in permanent settlements, the needs of war or farming meant vaginas had to be better guarded than ever; more propaganda. And women still believe what men say about their vaginas! That's how effective the propaganda was. Pudenda is an even worse word: Latin for all genitals but used far more to describe female genitals, "pudenda" comes from pudere, which is the verb to show shame for or be ashamed of. So the Romans hid the goods by making them something to be ashamed about; the Vatican sings that same song still. So we can infer that fear or revulsion of the vagina is really fear of power or its lack, expressed by males alpha or otherwise. Competition for food made chimps north of the Congo into the violent creatures they are (and we became when proto humans broke from that line 7 million years ago); a separate chimp species called Bonobos (south of the Congo) had no struggle for food and among them the vagina is so lovingly shared that it might as well be called "candy." In Bonobo-speak, females say "if you stop acting like a man I will give you some candy," to which males reply "that would be nice." No Bonobo becomes a banker."



Wednesday
Dec012010

Language of driving.

Let me drive out of town, at the wheel or in the backseat, and exhale at the first sight of agriculture, the whiff of manure or pine needles, until the quilt of farming gives way to exhausted lands abandoned or waiting, and then these gold stretches give way to mountains or coastlines where I can look back at the city and snip my ties, at least temporarily, and find myself in a single moment, a tourniquet of simple distance stanching the flow of ideas, and in this moment, timeless, there is an insect or a cloud pattern or a tiny change in the weather and I am again free to ask myself what I wish to do. The justifications seem so much more slight from that perspective, cut away from the urban life. Who cares why? And who cares when or even how? What am I wishing for? What wishes? I zip up my jacket because I feel the cold suddenly, and a grasshopper jumps, and I notice a flower, wilting; winter is coming, for instance, and what do I wish for sunlight? Somebody's tears, splashing on their skin? Some animal loping across the veld toward me or away from me, with the sky dominant in my view, eclipsing all the land for 360 degrees? Africa? Shading my eyes as I walk out of a hotel in India, realizing I have overslept again? But here is Babloo with his rickshaw, waiting since dawn for you, and off we zip into some secret part of the city's shadows where Babloo will introduce me to people who are concerned only with the rasping hunger on their tongues and the inch by inch battle for territory on the street corners they conduct their business and lives; and in these interviews I cease to exist, all appointments mean nothing, there is only right now, the heart of somebody's story, and I am each time amazed that I get to hear it, that I get to see somebody reveal themselves and express their frights or delight. If I listen with respect and curiosity, I often feel as if I am them, and the hurt and the heat and the hope suddenly feel so different from my own neighborhood, and that self I cultivate by accident, "back home," might as well be on Mars and unreachable. Because the language I need in these moments is nothing I speak, even to myself, and the rewards are thrilling as communication is made: Would I like a tea, for instance? 

     -- from correspondence to Lisa E., photo by Blue of Lisa @ the Deej, November 13

 

Wednesday
Nov032010

her voice, a local honey

Venice this last time felt like a loaded weapon. But the bullet that does the most damage to all our plans is Sophie Holt. Her voice is in several places, in other people's ideas but most importantly on her own composition, and listening to her voice without much expectation leaves you walking around rubber-legged. There are small Irish bars that celebrate their 500th anniversaries by pouring out free shots of mead made from the local honey, and her voice is the song you wish to carry away to remember the day you accidentally walked in and realized you were as far away from yourself as you have ever been or will ever go.



Friday
Aug272010

Producer's fear.

I am paralyzed by fear every day. To get it out of my head, I agree that I am willing to try something interesting or creative even if I fail. So when the project or piece fails, I am not surprised or upset. And of course the more you fail, the better you get at it: Success is what happens to people who aim too low. The trick is to resolve to attempt things without caring whether they are good enough. Sometimes a project blows up in my face and becomes unpleasant and I still muddle through to the bitter end because I know I am learning something about failure along the way. Loss and failure are where wisdom lurks. And you can be affluent among other ffluents only to realise the only thing that matters is wisdom and how much you paid to acquire it.

So this sort of homespun thinking gets me through each day. The thing that's cool about getting involved with creative projects is that you can help push them along without having any skills to do so. If you start telling people you like a certain movie, and why you like it, eventually you'll have a modest readership that thanks you for being able to go see movies they've heard about but never planned to see. And if you didn't want to do the actual writing, fine, you could at least edit the writers and get them all in place; producers are always needed and there is no school to learn how to become a producer. This is sheer field work, grunting on behalf of a product.

     -- from correspondence to Cara L.

Monday
Aug232010

me, impossible to touch

The little boy, a fawn, that I once was, comes alive as I write about him now, but brings the cruelest trick of memory: He is so close to me, full of myself, surrounding me and welling from within me and yet impossible, forever impossible, to reach out and touch.



Saturday
Jul102010

White Soccer in Africa

 

During the game between Holland and Uruguay today, I found myself supporting the Orange at the start and then rooting for the Uruguayans by the end. Why? I love the sport, and Dutch football exemplifies its structures and psychology best: a team, with everyone able to function in all roles, ruled by a democratic consensus that is enforced by a tough cadre of leaders, usually four or five players that traditionally have included two defensemen. But also I support the Dutch because the team is the most ethnically diverse of all European football teams. But should I support this? Dutch mercantilism promoted exploitation of people around the globe in the name of spices or banking.

But then why root for Uruguay? It is a seedy, lonely country, based on my two months working there, but formed at the turn of the century by an interesting anti-religious intellectualism that has never been matched in the Americas; the word god was not allowed to be capitalized in the media, for example, and partly from this kind of practical humanism the country grew into a refined economic power whose cattle ranchers became the world’s 6th-biggest economy, as Uruguayans still brag on today. But the country destroyed its indigenous population, as mercilessly as any nationa in the Americas. The players on Uruguay’s national team are simply descendants from Spain, unlike the players on Mexico’s national team, for example, most of whom can identify with that country’s enormous indigenous populations. Mexico’s talismanic player is actually named Cuauhtémoc, after the Aztec ruler famous for standing up to the bizarre tortures administered by Spain’s conquistadors searching for gold. No name means more to a Mexican than Cuauhtémoc, but nobody on Uruguay’s team could possibly have such a name: Diego Forlan, Uruguay’s top player, is a blonde, blue-eyed hero who looks like he summers in Marbella among the bikinis and yachts, which is, actually, what he does. At least Forlan plays for Atletico Madrid, and not the fascist big brother from the same city, Real.

Which brings me to tomorrow’s game:

Like any European, I hate the German football team. There is not a nation in Europe that does not openly hope to beat the Germans, not just for the joy of sport but for the symbolism of defeating the continent’s social aggressor, for whom there is still bitter rage. Ask any person in the Netherlands if he or she understands or speaks German, and they’ll all say they do but would never admit it. For no country is the hatred of its neighbor more palpable than the feelings of the Dutch for the Germans. Betrayal, genocide, rank militarism; you can still be brought to tears in any number of Dutch towns once a year as they ring a bell and ask for silence to remember the brutality of Germany. When England won the World Cup in 1966, Winston Churchill remarked smugly, “Now we’ve beaten them at our game and also at theirs,” referring to football and war. In the hilarious joke about European character in heaven and hell, the Germans in the former are the engineers and in the latter they are the police. (The Swiss, I must digress, are the bankers in heaven and the lovers in hell!)

But the Germans are in an interesting situation. They have color in their team. And color in numbers, including an American (from Brazil), an African (from Ghana) and the best player in the world, a freaking Turk. The racism, jealousy and hatred of one people for another cannot be better expressed than the social standing of Turks in Germany. I won’t go on about it here, but refer you simply to Fassbinder’s mind-bending movie “Ali, Fear Eats the Soul,” about the interactions of the German whose chest swells with pride for the Fatherland and the immigrant who tries to eke out his existence among the Teutons. The Turk is swashbuckling his way out of Germany into the British football leagues with a performance that is sublime, and threatens to do for all immigrants in Germany what Zidane did for all immigrants in France. For years, intellectuals have begged Zidane to say something about the social status of Algerians in France, and he has adamantly refused. But in private, his tongue rasps the French character and spears the racism in Marseilles and in the press which have made growing up Arab in France such a prickly endeavour. Zidane in 1998 won the World Cup with a team that was mostly Arab or immigrant or African, and not lilywhite. Nothing has brought French skins closer together in the fraternal codes of constitution the French copied from the USA. Equality and brotherhood has only happened in France when a football is being kicked. So what does this mean for Germany?

Must I root for the Turk to slalom his way through Spain en route to a skewering of the Dutch?

I lived in Spain. From 10 years old to 16 years old, my formative years. And I kept going back until I was 23, and now I go back every year searching for something about myself that I do not realize is missing until I am there, among the cork trees and broken castles. Shouldn’t I root for Spain?

But what is Spain? And what is its national football team? If Spain loses to Germany, it will be because there is no such thing as a Spanish nation, and there will never be. No Catalan is Spanish. No Basque is Spanish. Galicia and Valencia mean more to its bloodholders than any alignment of political territories. And Spain is not the cradle of fascism, but it is its primary exporter and experimenter. Knowing anything at all about Spain and football means you must root for FC Barcelona and against Real Madrid, the team Francisco Franco loved with all his heart as he imprisoned and murdered artists and homosexuals and thinkers and poets and anyone who did not see his vision of a hierarchical Spain, where bloodlines determine intelligence and social standing and economic opportunity. There are players on the field tomorrow (or today) for Spain who would spit on the country’s flag in other more private circumstances, especially in Catalunya or Bilbao or Guernika. You cannot walk in the Basque province and not notice the names in Spanish blacked out, and the unlimited expanse of anti-Madrid graffiti. Catalunya has never been its own country, and is now the main economic force of Spain, providing more than 40% of the country’s economy, and if there will ever be another new country in Europe, it would be Catalonia, if the residents have their way.

Here are some interesting tidbits to consider as you root through these final stages of the world’s best sporting competition:

Dutch football great Johan Cruyff’s son is named Jordi, named for Catalunya, and the son actually played for the Catalonian national team several times. There are towns in Spain that are Dutch. 100% Netherlanders, congregated together for the sunshine and clean air that do not exist in Europe’s sweltering armpit, all in towns that quietly practice a new kind of social apartheid. But if you are sympathetic to Catalunya, how do you root for the region’s enemy, the united idea of Spain? But to root against Spain is to root for Germany or Holland. Germany has color on its pitch for the first time, and this is a profound thing for Germany. In “Schulz Gets the Blues,” the all-time biggest box-office winner in Germany’s cinematic history, an accordion player discovers zydeco on the radio and then plays it at his small town’s annual picnic to a stunned reaction, when a village elder stands up and shouts “Stop that nigger music!” That movie was cathartic for Germany, allowing for a public admission of racism and social stratification that will have every German you know in guilty tears if you talk about it with them for more than 10 minutes.

But Germany? How can I support German football? How can I root for the enemy?

Why not throw my allegiance to the Dutch?

Bercause here is football in Africa, and here is football in South Africa, and the saddest thing that ever happened to Africa is the colonial pillage (with plenty of African help, to be sure) of the past few centuries, and the saddest mark of all colonialism is apartheid, which in my generation is the darkest strike against humankind that I can imagine. The British in that European joke I mentioned before are identified in hell as the cooks, and in heaven as the police, in recognition of their generally well-intentioned efforts to be fair on international and regional issues. The British made apartheid. But it was Dutch farmers who lived it and turned it into evil. The Afrikaner is a Dutchman. The Afrikaner is everything Africa must put in its past.

And here are the Afrikaners, ready to take on Germany, where immigrants are relentlessly discriminated against, no matter what you think you see in Berlin, or ready to battle Spain, whose existence as any kind of team reminds that the Spaniard is willing to kill his own, as Franco did, to preserve a family’s good name, and who exported the Conquistador, whose rapaciousness and profit-seeking still keeps people with the wrong skin color on the wrong side of the bottom line.

And Holland’s fight against Spain or Germany will happen in South Africa in front of millions of people who cannot hear Dutch or think Dutch without being reminded of their own utter worthlessness.

We are what we play. We all play football. The enemy will always win, as long as somebody is keeping a score.



 

Monday
Jun072010

Subvert gasoline.

Years ago, I fought Exxon. Now I find it hard to go after BP, since they are the only petroleum company to invest in alternative energy. But then I tell myself to stop bleating like a sheep and learn to bite like a snake: we are all guilty, no matter what miles per gallon we get or when we turn on the heat or take a shower, but that doesn't mean we can't act like responsible Americans and do everything in our power to subvert the production of dinosaur fuel. But how? When? Does it start with a simple declaration that our enemy is the plastics-maker and the gasoline dispenser? Do we say so out loud, or as a whisper, or only in the mirror? Gas kills, we know, but which American kills gas? When? How?

 

Tuesday
Feb232010

Fishbone, blunted

Fishbone and the English Beat played last night, and H.R. (from Bad Brains) got on stage and did a number, nervously, timidly, even, and the nostalgia got everyone jumping, but I kept thinking: What does time do to musicians? Why don't they innovate? Is it like any craft, where the need to make a living blunts the urge to take risks? A song steels itself from a spark, but why is it easier to be aflame when you are broke and desperate, rather than comfy and tricked out with 16g of RAM? It's great to see Robert Plant do something he could never have imagined 35 years ago, but can the Who write a new song anyone can remember within minutes of listening to it? Did Fishbone imagine, 20 years ago, they'd be in the same club, sleeping in a bigger bus, clearing $373 for the night? Would they have continued to do what they do if they did know? It's unsettling to see so much talent, floating rather than swimming . . .

Wednesday
Feb102010

benefits of vectors

I'm not interested in money, but I love the challenge of connecting the dots between memes. The process is more akin to investigating flight patterns after a crash: where did an idea fly from, get refueled at, become airborne for the first time? I am just now trying to articulate growing up with my own father, who turned on the CIA in 1970 when we lived in Beirut and ended up fleeing in a station wagon with me and my two sisters to Syria and Turkey and then Europe to hide for three years while everyone looked for us. I was 10, my sisters younger, and we had a dog; my father was then 63. How he pulled it off beggars belief, still. So coaxing you into video and pixels in a very poetic and spare language, which you already speak so fluently, would be an exercise with vector-like benefits: no matter who such a project included or touched, the artwork would stretch to accommodate further interests and faraway curiosities, without ever losing its shape or original design. These sorts of efforts are rare, perhaps formulated in academic institutions as ideas but never really executed.

Have you seen the excellent film "Rivers & Tides" about Andy Goldsworthy? This is the visual poetry I would hope to emulate, even if the very modest video we could get in a single afternoon would be a fraction of that movie's efforts. Let me know if you're interested in creating something quickly and smartly like this; perhaps it is perfect timing for a new book, perhaps it's just another pain in the ass a new book births. I'd certainly be willing to put up some effort and organizational power. Good luck with the book, hope it sells like hotcakes or iPods, tell your agent to look into making a graphic version for the iPad which would be a certified money-loser but could very well create sales for the book that are not now imagined, never mind planned!

-- from correspondence with author James Brown, whose L.A. Diaries was terra firma in my frenzied flights over oceans of possibility and anxiety.

Thursday
Jan212010

Canceled plans always hurt

At the edge of everything, I seem to find the fullness of self. One more step leads into a fall or a drift which will break me to pieces. This balancing act, of leaning out over an empty drop, while still aware of orbits and anchors, is a path I’ve followed all my life. Like a trapeze flier, or walker of high wires, the attention I attract is not usually due to fond familiarity but to the possibility of failure. And of failure with consequence. Extinction, scars or exhaustion. But here at the edge there is energy and treasure to grasp and collect, not just from being in places without people, but from being forced by planetary grandeur to admit that in the end I am a person without a place.