A Movie Written & Directed by Seanie Blue 

Baby Meridian is a PhD in linguistics from a tony Ivy League school who decides to write a book about lap dancing in America, and stuns her academic community when she decides to do the lap dancing herself. A half-million dollar advance comes from a New York publisher, and a cousin of Baby's tags along to all the excitement with a video camera. But it turns out Baby has a secret in her fugitive sister Tiffany, whose sudden appearancecalls into question Baby's authenticity and intentions.

The movie stars Deborah Rowe as Baby Meridian in a story with close parallels to Rowe's own life, and Sandie Black steals the show as criminal sister Tiff. Papa Wapa is the detective on both sisters' trail. Sadly, this movie is incomplete and not on disc. Scenes are up on Youtube, and a link will be provided soon!

Click on the picture above for larger viewing. Click once and be patient.

An interesting premise for this movie was the use of local artists and personalities to play off the Baby character. Each personge would give a small monologue of their experiences with the Meridian sisters, and below is a scene written for filmmaker Jeff Krulik, who reluctantly agreed to appear in the scene in his underwear while being massaged by one of those belt-sander type weight reducers ffrom the '70's. He had one of the contraptions, and it still worked. This is how I imagined the scene:

INT. APARTMENT of JEFF K. Day

In his apartment, Jeff K. turns on a slimming machine from the ‘70s. He is in his white boxer shorts and he talks loudly as the slimming machine – essentially a long sling which vibrates at high speed around his buttocks – does its work.

I was a man in Baby’s life. Past tense. She thought I was Che Guevara. But my friends thought I acted like Ricky Ricardo when I was around her. Looking back on it now makes me feel a little presidential. (Pause)  I know there was a monkey in there somewhere, making me look bad, but godamnit no matter how hard I try, I can’t remember co-starring with a monkey. I’m not saying I didn’t do it. I’m just saying I can’t remember a monkey, but if you’ve got any proof I’d like to see it.

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The beginning of the screenplay and some notes follow. Baby's father Garth plays a large role in the movie, as he is on the eve of prison for some sort of corporate crime. The notes after the screenplay synthesize several conversations and interviews with Deborah Ash, or Deborah Rowe, as I know her, and give an idea of how distinctive a piece this could be if filmed.

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BLACK
CREDITS

My name is Sandra Bishop. Today is January 14. My cousin is Baby Meridian, the writer and artist. She’s in town for a few days and I’ll be conducting a series of interviews with her about her book, which she got a huge contract to write and which is going to be published in exactly one month by Random House. Uh, I’m not sure what these interviews will be about, exactly, because this is a thesis film for my American University film degree.

[BLACK]

Let’s think about this . . .  Series of interviews, about what? . . . Random House, American University, shit . . . Turn off the camera.

[BLACK]
BISHOP:
My name is Sandra Bishop. I make movies.

[BLACK] interior. elevator

CAMERAMAN:
What makes you think she’s going to be willing to talk to you?

BISHOP:
I’m not ready.

CAMERAMAN:
Somebody gets a check for half a million dollars, they change their spots a little bit. Forget their friends, hang out in New York, they’re not going to pay any attention to any hack amateur bullshit wannabes from Washington --

BISHOP:
I’m not ready, wait. (Pause)  Okay, say something.

CAMERAMAN:
Testing, testing, one two three.

BISHOP:
No, say something about Baby Meridian.

CAMERAMAN:
I don’t know her. I’ve read about her, I guess, in City Paper. She’s very articulate.

BISHOP:
Articulate? Why do you say that?

CAMERAMAN:
Her words are all like Lego, you know what I mean? Everything fits.

[BLACK]
Exterior. Union Station.

BISHOP:
Are you rolling? There she is, the Blonde. Hey, Baby!

BABY:
Sandi? What are you doing here?

BISHOP:
Your agent told me you’d be on this train. I want to interview you. You know, talk about what’s happening to you right now, and how you feel about getting published and making a million dollars and everything.

Yeah, but this is just the beginning. In a few months you’re going to be in magazines and you won’t have to do any more performance pieces for fifty bucks.

That’s true. No more fifty-buck performance pieces. Who will this film be for?

It’s for school. My thesis work. Without this film, I don’t get the degree.

Jeez, you’d think they’d be happy with the eighty thou your Dad’s sunk into the place. How long will this interview be?

Several interviews, over the two days you’re going to be here. Interviews with you and, you know, other people who know you. I want to capture the transformation of the artist from underground star to mainstream icon. I want to really get into the heart of what being an author is like.

BABY:
Being an author is like riding around in a van at rush hour. You’re up high, looking into everybody’s cars, and you realize there a lot of guys in business suits eating burritos and masturbating at the same time. That’s what being an author is like.

BISHOP:
So how much money did you get? More than fifty grand?

BABY:
Honey, I got a lot more than fifty grand, believe me. Listen, who else are you going to interview about me?

BISHOP:
I want to get everybody, you know, schoolteachers, ex-boyfriends, art collaborators, family. Everybody.

BABY:
Oh shit.

BISHOP:
I’ve already been doing interviews. We got some great stuff.

[BLACK]
Mr. MERIDIAN:
Hi, Sandra Honey. How are you?

BISHOP:
I want to talk to you about Baby.

Mr. MERIDIAN
You want to come inside and have a drink?

BISHOP:
What do you think about this book deal?

Mr. MERIDIAN:
I think if she puts her cash into a jumbo CD, she’ll have enough interest

[BLACK]

I am completely unfulfilled. I have to be intellectually challenged. I’ll probably be in school for the rest of my life. Four years ago everybody was reading the firm on the metro. I read the first chapter and was annoyed by the sexism and lack of realism. It’s not believable. I was disgusted with myself. Nauseous. That’s what people read? Give me a break. The Firm is what dull people read. I stopped reading trash, and everything’s been a lot more interesting ever since.

[BLACK}
BISHOP:
Tiffany, everybody talks about this poetry thing. Like you’ve got some hot source of words beneath your um well your sort of icy exterior. You know what I mean?

TIFFANY:
Coldness is a word other people use to describe me, it’s not how I would describe myself. (Pause) I was trying to clarify something. It wasn’t a poem.

[BLACK]

it’s a guard everybody has those boundaries, and because Tiffany’s boundaries are so clear, everybody else resents it. without well established boundaries, you’ve got conflict and chaos, within yourself and between people. Tiffany allows people to get close to her when they’ve earned her trust. Her coldness is not a bad thing. It’s a smart thing. And Tiffany applies it to everybody. even people in authority. she doesn’t let herself be violated by anybody she doesn’t trust. you come up to her and say hey I’m in charge and this what I need from you amn you know what she says? she says Fuck you.

[BLACK]

We scheduled Baby’s first show three years ago on a Monday night and thought we were going to get thirty people max. We did worse than that: she brought in a dozen Riot Grrrls in polka dot leotards and we were all cursing her out before her show. She’s got a twelve piece salsa band, and only twelve chix in the audience chewing gum and whispering shit to each other and giggling. Then from the back of the crowd in comes Baby, and she’s in a fucking boat, a little wooden rowboat, looking like Cleopatra and wearing these swirly gold breast plates on her chest, and she’s got some kind of a fucking wild cat on a chain, like a leopard or a jaguar or something, but smaller, mean-looking, batshit yellow chrome eyeballs, and the boat is being pulled by twelve very short naked guys, short and white -- and a couple of ‘em pretty shockingly, you know, hung -- and these twelve dudes are huffing and puffing on a rope, pulling the boat to the stage, and the band’s going cha cha cha cha, ritmo, you know, and the Riot Grrrls are scowling at the naked trolls, and the fucking jaguar is getting ominous-looking, and Baby walks up on stage and the band stops and there’s only one light on her, and we’re all like shocked silence, wondering, “now what,” when she walks up to the microphone, in dead silence, everybody’s quiet, and she yells: “racism is not about the color of your skin, but about the color of your fucking money,” and the lights go out for a millisecond, and the band starts up that song by the Specials, working for the rat race, you know you’re wasting your time, and that’s the first I ever heard or saw of Baby Meridian and I’m thinking next time she plays here, she’s going to have four hundred people going apeshit.

BISHOP
How many people showed up the second time?

HOUSEKNECHT:
She never played here again.

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Note: During the creatrion of this screenplay, there were often strange moments when life imitated our creation, and the article from the Washington Times shown above is a great example. There's Baby, surrounded by the performance group Betapunks, with yours truly in the very back, and she's already wearing her studied defiance.

[BLACK]
On stage in a dark club, Baby Meridian is practicing a part of her show “Rhinoceros.” On stage with Meridian is dancer Ajax and composer Peter F. She is showing Ajax the moves she wants him to make in time to Fox’ music. While Ajax dances to the music, she watches his feet with intense concentration. Watching are dancer Brooke K and reporter Virginia V.

Ajax, I want you to keep in mind that toss of the head which the animal makes, not just up, but to the side, like a bull, okay?

How long have you known her, Brooke?

I’ve known her for seven years, and she’s always had the same tone, the same words, same message. Don’t let yourself be a little girl, don’t be a little girl. Over and over and over. Very consistent. She’s going to be an excellent parent, because that’s what you need to be a good parent. Not facts or education. Just . . . consistency. (Pause)  Baby said something today that I thought was hilarious: “The King is always willing to fuck his maid, but the King will never make his maid the prime minister.” (Pause) And that’s the name of her company: “Maid In America.” M-A-I-D In America, not M-A-D-E. She had twenty employees working for her, and she was both Mom and the Prime Minister. But . . . (Pause)  What was your question, Sandi?

[BLACK]

All the employees at “Maid In America” had to wear white pants and red shirts and light blue belts. And it had to be white pants, to show that the maids could keep neat even while cleaning your scuzzy office building. All her friends were busting their asses to be lawyers or business champions while she’s clearing fifty grand a summer to get a Ph.D. in linguistics. She even loaned me twelve K to pay for a prostate operation.

SANDI BISHOP
But is she happy, Mr. Meridian?

GARTH MERIDIAN
Is she happy? That’s a loaded question, Sandi. Is Baby Meridian happy? Sounds like the title to some arty-farty college student movie. Yeah, I think she’s happy. I mean, she’s angry, and that’s always bad for the soul, but she’s not bored. And my God it doesn’t matter if you’re happy or angry if you’re bored, because if you’re bored, you smell bad.

[BLACK]

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CUT TO:

The first time I heard about Baby getting naked in front of 500 people, I was a little shocked. More than a little shocked. It was like Waterloo. You know, you swim along in life thinking you’re the number one Salmon and then one day in the summer sunshine you find yourself choking to death in an inch of water, thinking, “Is this it?” (Pause)  No question, despite the liberal junk in my blood, when I heard that Baby took off her clothes in the name of “performance art,” I died a little bit. 

CUT TO:

Daddy’s little girl wanting to fuck is a pretty fat no-no, but the fattest no-no is Daddy’s desire to fuck his little girl.

BISHOP
You actually went to a show of hers and saw her act? Mr. Meridian, I’m going to ask you a very difficult question: When you watched your naked daughter on stage, were you turned on?

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between baby and tiffany

I heard you say something about the power of sexuality. what power?
why are you aware of it

very interesting. youve mentioned a few times or I guess youve himted  a few times that you’re susceptible to other women’s sexual power. why is this?

have you allowed yourself, baby, to be affected ever?

I’m not sure. I guess for the purpose of this interview, I want to be able to make it clear that you’ve given in or not given in to some kind of attraction exerted on you by other women. Not attraction, Baby, that’s the wrong word. A better word would be force.

let me get this straight. you feel affected by women’s sexuality. the readers of this paper want to know if you’ve fallen in love with Barbra Streisand, or shot into the bathroom for a quickie with the female drummer of a girl band, and you tell me that the sexual or sensual object can be subsitutted with a chicken or a girl with a lollipop?

Heres another one for you. I’ve been thinking about this during the interview: the image of Baby Meridian. You’re really very proper. Prim, almost. And yet you’ve got this dramatic persona attached to you of a woman with radical, unsocial views on sex. Is the way yo u look part of the Baby Meridian act?

sexy kissing on the neckm  what what what what wa

The invading force is what I want and submit to. That is what I control. I allow it to happen. But that doesn’t mean I want it to happen. Sexually we can not ever be equal because we are inherently different. But that doesn’t mean inferior or less powerful. It just means you can’t compare the two.

I have a problem with the invading force part of this question. What makes you think the woman is sucking him in?  That’s pretty violent, as equally violent as an invading force. Look, I am not here to write a dissertation on what the breaking points are for every female. It’s not a good thing to always know. That takes the mystery out of sexuality. I prefer to think of it  as something very strange and beautiful.  God, I know women who fantasize about being raped, as you say, “invaded”. She wants it. She is turned on by it. She likes the entire idea of being “taken," of relinquishing control, power and authority she has in her sexual encounter.

[BLACK]

BISHOP:
Why did you call your book “The Rhino and the Misogynist?”